I need to do something creative. I need to use my brain to make things and think about things outside the box. I need a job and life more suited for me.
If only I had more money…if only I had the courage to leave Oklahoma (nothing too exciting happens here, and everything I would like to do, needs a different kind of market)…if only I had the courage just do it.
This might sound weird but this is the best way I can explain it: Some days I feel trapped. Like my mind races with creativity and really cool ideas but I can’t get it out.I don’t have enough paper for my doodles and thoughts and sometimes those thoughts need more than just to be jotted down on my 8 1/2 x 14 legal pad… and then my mind goes numb by sitting in cubicle all.day.long. answering phone calls and just being here.trapped. I am right-brained person in sea of left-brained people. That’s not even a joke or lie – just a fact…and there is nothing wrong with left-brained people, that’s just not me. (When people I work with see my cubicle for the first time they usually ask me if I am an artist or something?? Maybe that might help explain things.)
I want to just run away and go somewhere cooler, where people would be like me and understand me and help me express myself better… I do LOVE my city, but sometimes I feel like it’s not for me?
Sometimes, I get the scariest thought of my life, what if this is it? What if this is my life? That thought sends panic up and down my spine through every cell of my body. This can’t be it! No! I won’t let it… Don’t get me wrong, I am very, very happy and grateful to have a job. I do love my co-workers, and it pays my bills and gets me through the month, every month, it’s just a feeling I have sometimes. I am sure most people can relate to, or maybe it’s just me.
I should have stayed an art major in school and I should have just went with it, but then again, who says you have to have the degree in art (or quit your day job) to be an artist????
Thanks for listening,