If You Were to Ask Me How I Feel Right Now:

I need to do something creative. I need to use my brain to make things and think about things outside the box. I need a job and life more suited for me.

If only I had more money…if only I had the courage to leave Oklahoma (nothing too exciting happens here, and everything I would like to do, needs a different kind of market)…if only I had the courage  just do it.

This might sound weird but this is the best way I can explain it: Some days I feel trapped. Like my mind races with creativity and really cool ideas but I can’t get it out.I don’t have enough paper for my doodles and thoughts and sometimes those thoughts need more than just to be jotted down on my 8 1/2 x 14  legal pad… and then my mind goes numb by sitting in cubicle all.day.long. answering phone calls and just being here.trapped. I am right-brained person in sea of left-brained people. That’s not even a joke or lie – just a fact…and there is nothing wrong with left-brained people, that’s just not me. (When people I work with see my cubicle for the first time they usually ask me if I am an artist or something?? Maybe that might help explain things.)

I want to just run away and go somewhere cooler, where people would be like me and understand me and help me express myself better… I do LOVE my city, but sometimes I feel like it’s not for me?

Sometimes,  I get the scariest thought of my life, what if this is it? What if this is my life? That thought sends panic up and down my spine through every cell of my body. This can’t be it! No! I won’t let it… Don’t get me wrong, I am very, very happy and grateful to have a job. I do love my co-workers, and it pays my bills and gets me through the month, every month, it’s just a feeling I have sometimes. I am sure most people can relate to, or maybe it’s just me.

I should have stayed an art major in school and I should have just went with it, but then again, who says you have to have the degree in art (or quit your day job) to be an artist????

 [end rant]

Thanks for listening,

z154302498-1.jpg image by Miss_Mandy04


5 thoughts on “If You Were to Ask Me How I Feel Right Now:

  1. I think you should be one of the teachers for wine and palette. Or start your own wine and palette business thingy. You’d be great at it.

  2. There are many choices that we make during our lifetime. Some of these choices will affect us for years at a time, while others will come and pass in days. The choices that we make help us grow into who we are. What you’re thinking and feeling is normal. Everyone has these thoughts and feelings from time to time. I think about these things often, but I am always reminded that “Life is a state of mind.” And remembering that helps me look towards the future and work towards my goals.

    Here is something I found the last time I was feeling this way. I really like it and it helped me get a better perspective. I hope it does for you to:

    “To begin a journey with the brightest outlook imaginable and finish with the greatest sorrow possible. How does a successful voyage turn into a horrid disaster? The mind wonders from place to place. Starting at the peak of the tallest mountain and flowing down to the grimiest swamp. The mind can take hold and force you to the edge. The edge where reality stops and dreams begin. Those dreams may produce thoughts of delight while others may give way to the darkest horrors imaginable. It’s only at the precipice do we truly see ourselves for what we are, for what we were, and for what we want to be. The decision that must be made is, Do we continue on? Or do we stop?
    Reason tells us that stopping is never a wise decision. But what else can the answer be if the only decision you want to make is the one that leads to an end? Do you put your answer on hold and pray that you find truth? Or do you answer the question now, because the answer you have is the only one worth giving? We may never know.
    The only way to find light again is from an outside influence. A force stronger than the gloom and loneliness, a force that can lift your mind out of despair and place it back on the mountain top. To discover such a power is a given blessing and opportunity, an answered prayer.
    We must find this light. We must find this force. We must find this power. That is our duty. To find the light that will help us when were unable to survive alone. A secure and strong fortress that will with stand the test of time and will hold fast to the bind you’ve created. This is our prayer. This is my prayer. That everyone finds help and guidance when it’s needed most. Find a faithful friend. Find the love of your family. Know your importance to the ones who love you. Know that you are loved. This is my prayer.”

    • http://wineandpalette.com/

      OMG I thought you knew all about it. It’s like a company that goes to a restaurant several times a week and teaches women (and a couple of guys, too) how to paint. I think you should totally get involved. You’re a great teacher. I think it would be a fun thing for Junior High or High School students, too. There’s gotta be a way you could start something like that for younger girls.

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