So, for those who know me and those that don’t you probably have already guessed I am single, shocker, Right?! Actually, I am glad that I am still single. For one, I look by at my 19 to about 23ish year old self and I think “Whoa! I wouldn’t have been ready at all for anything like that.”
This is a different dating world these days…
The Home Ec major in me would tell you that the divorce rate is 50% – which you don’t need me to tell you that, just look around. I would like to fall into that other side of the 50%, you know the side that actually makes it.
I stumbled across this book* and it has the best dating advice I think I have ever read. Henry Cloud is one of my favorite non-fiction writers. He is amazing.
The gist of it is quite opposite as to what society – especially girls do. Date lots of people at once and NOT for marriage. Sounds crazy but think about it….
Have you thought about it yet? Does it make sense to you?
Here’s why it does to me:
- You don’t get too attached too fast and put all energy into something when it’s not going to go anywhere.
- You seem more interesting and harder to get. Girls – Let’s make the guys pursue us a little…
- You naturally will weed out the bad from the good. (Or at least that’s how I think it will work. Haven’t quite got that far yet.)
- You will have people to compare to. You will KNOW what you want and what you don’t.
- If someone turns out to be mean or not nice – it’s not a devastating loss, you move on a lot quicker.
- If you date to get to know people and you are building friendships first then you will have a solid foundation. (Which are what the BEST relationships are built on.)
- It takes SO much pressure off dating.
- It opens you up to a lot of others who might not have been your “type.”
Here’s where it gets tricky and most of my friends and family who I have talked to about doing this support me 100% but some issues have come up like:
- It feels weird to date more than one at a time.
- What if you hurt someone feelings because they get too attached?
- Isn’t that kind of like being a player?
- How long to do you keep doing this?
My opinion on this, and Dr. Cloud also backs this up, is as long as you are HONEST with everyone you go out with and you tell them – “This is what I am doing. This is where I am at.” Then you are NOT responsible for their feelings or actions. If they date only you or others also that’s on them. If they don’t want to date you, that’s ok too.
I have been doing this for a couple of weeks and its different and it takes some time to get used to changing your mindset. Being this honest, so far has changed things, and I have already met some really great guys! I don’t really know how this will end up but I hope (and I have a feeling) that will turn out pretty good.
I would like to add-on that I am NOT promoting USING people. There is difference on leading someone on and being honest.
I won’t lie – it’s super hard. It requires brutal honesty, (which I am finding that I thought I was a direct honest person, but I am more vague than I would like to be. – I am working on this!)
What are your thoughts on this?
*Be sure to read the reviews – these are people who also have put this into practice and it gives the negative and positive sides.